Tuesday, September 18, 2007

The Whereabouts of Scott No. 517 -- Installation Three

fiction, continuted from previous)

Scott No. 139 tells a pretty first-rate penguin joke. It is best when told from the view point of his female friends as witnessing the actual joke can sometimes be found disturbing.

The first woman begins by stating that everyone should get Scott No. 139 to tell his penguin joke. Then amends her statement because she just can’t hold this in any longer. Second and third woman listen.

“So Scott No. 139 asks ‘Have you heard my penguin joke? Well, there’s this American tourist in Paris and he gets … well, you know.’

“He means to say horny but he won’t so we have to say ‘horny’ for him.

“‘Yeah, well, anyway, he goes down to the Moulin Rouge district—’ Here he starts having this outrageous French accent ‘—and knocks on the door of a whore house. A woman answers it and he tells her: all I have is $20 US, is there anything you’ll do for me? She looks at him and says: Not here but try across the street, maybe she’ll show you the penguin. Thinking great thoughts of penguins he crosses the street.’

“Blah, blah, blah – I’m editing the joke down because I hate repetition in jokes. Anyway, Scott No. 139 stands up at this point.

“‘So she takes the guy into a room and tells him to make himself comfortable she’ll be right back. So the guy empties his pockets on to the table.’ And Scott No. 139 starts emptying his pockets out onto the table. ‘And he takes off his pants.’ And Scott No. 139 unzips his pants and pushes them down to his ankles.”

The second woman raises an eyebrow. The third woman goes slack jawed. “He did this in the dining room?”

The first woman nods and resumes her narration: “‘And then the woman rushes back in and grabs all the stuff he put on the table and runs out, and he runs after her yelling: Hey! You didn’t show me the penguin!’ And here’s Scott No. 139 waddling across the room with his pants around his ankles.”

She concludes: “it was the bizarrest part of my week.”

This was lunch. The middle of the day. Scott No. 139 was sober. To the best of their combined knowledge Scott No. 139 had not ingested any hallucinogens prior to the telling of the penguin joke. Nor prior to the second telling of the joke. Nor the third telling of the joke. However his accent and gestures did become more extravagant with each reiteration.

His female friends discuss his conduct with great amusement and mild astonishment outside of his presence. The first woman believes he planned his under-wardrobe specifically for this event. They were red boxer-briefs that let you see just about everything. The three women look at each other as this information is digested with varying degrees of success. They don’t say it aloud, but in this pause they are all thinking how relieved they are to hear he does not wear tighty-whities.

The second woman breaks the silence. “So how was he?” She wants information if information is to be had.

The first woman shrugs her shoulders. “Not bad,” she says with mild approval.

All three women nod.

“Do you think this is a new kind of dating strategy?” The third woman asks. “Show ‘em the goods and maybe you’ll find a taker?”

The expressions on the three faces are all similar: more disturbed and possibly scared than anything else. If this was his strategy they were not a good choice of target audience.

* * *

Highly Recommended