Monday, September 10, 2007

The Whereabouts of Scott No. 517 -- Installation Two

(fiction, continuted from previous)

Occasionally the Scotts meet. They are neighbors. They sit across from each other in airports. They ride the subway to work but take different lines to get there. They are currently attempting a trial separation in lieu of a divorce. If there is a sale, they often shop at the same grocery store and stand one after the other in the express checkout lane.

* * *

Scotts Nos. 12 through 14 hated each other. It was a long standing grudge assumed to be caused by their proximity and the general resentment that Scott No. 12 felt for everyone. Perhaps resentment was too strong a word. A better description would be bitchiness, and a general desire that things were not complete unless some sort of complaining was involved.
Scott No. 12’s favorite focal point for his pissing and moaning: the Juniper sea green hedge separating his lawn from that of Scott No. 14.
Juniperus x pfitzeriana, currently 4’8” in height, spread comparable (likely the same as the height but harder to measure), needing full sun and adapting to most any moisture situation.

Despite this final fact, and its appearance in every gardening book Scott No. 14 had ever come across, Scott No. 12 insisted that Scott No. 14 was an over-watering pest out to destroy his lovely hedge.
Scott No. 14 refused to call it a hedge, his hedge, a lovely hedge and most certainly refused to call it Scott No. 12’s hedge. He referred to it as “the juniper bush” and only as “the juniper bush.” Sometimes just “the juniper” when he was being rushed. Scott No. 14 did not like to be rushed. He did like to check out gardening books from the local library which is how he knew that the juniper bush was not in any real danger.

On this day Scott No. 12 was executing a cunning device of sabotage. After his near daily fight with Scott No. 14 about proper amounts of watering Scott No.14 had returned indoors, picked up his briefcase and coat, gotten into his car, backed down the driveway and driven away. At this time, and only after these recently stated events Scott No. 12 scuttled around his lovely hedge and into Scott No. 14’s yard where he proceeded to pull up each sprinkler that would hit his lovely hedge during its watering cycle and jam chewing gum in the mechanism.

Scott No. 13 remained on the odd side of the street watering his lawn and shaking his head as he had been doing for the past twenty minutes. Scott No. 13 smoked as he watered his lawn each morning and never paid attention to the cigarette or to the hose. This caused him to occasionally have to jerk his terrycloth slippers out of the way to avoid damage from burning or drowning. He enjoyed watching the two Scotts fight. He also enjoyed slowing down while passing car crashes in order to get a better appreciation of the damage and destruction. He was not the type to help.

Highly Recommended