(fiction, continuted from previous)
Scott No. 357 was once lost by his father in a department store. A Montgomery Ward. His father had Scott No. 357’s hand held in his left and his daughter’s hand held in his right the entire time they were in the store. His father stopped to pay for new speakers at the counter. He let go of both children to take out his wallet. His daughter remained close by looking at the shiny things in the showcase. He turned around to find Scott No. 357 had disappeared. He started running around the store looking for Scott No. 357 and was about to go to manager when he turned to see a little boy with an elderly couple. Scott No. 357 was as happy as could be. He was talking to the couple who were telling him jokes and the little old lady was feeding him hard candy out of her purse. Right as his father spotted him the little old lady turned around and asked “does anybody know where this child belongs?”
* * *
Scott No. 479’s girlfriend left him yesterday. She left angry. But she did not leave without revenge. Fully meditated revenge. Pee on his bed? Too great a chance of everyone finding out. Pee on his tooth brush? Too likely that he might figure it out. Take his tooth brush and swish it around in the toilet bowl a few times before putting it back in its holder and leaving? Perfect.
When life shit on Scott No. 479 he consulted a combination of Ben Folds and Poison lyrics. Neither Ben nor the 80s hair band told him to buy a new tooth brush.